How to stop people pleasing
I am a recovering chronic people pleaser. I used to, quite literally, ignore my intuition and make decisions and behave solely to please those around me. Even to the extent that I lost touch of parts of myself and hid them away. I morphed myself to fit in and be liked. If this is you, know you’re not alone, I’ve been there too; but I also know, it’s absolutely possible to turn it around and start living YOUR life, embrace your authenticity, self-worth and inner confidence and live on YOUR terms.
Here’s how:
1. As boring as it sounds, we first have to start being aware of where we are people pleasing.
I encourage you to get really honest with yourself here.
Where in your life are you saying ‘yes’ to things but really mean ‘no’?
Where in your life are you hiding bits of yourself away to fit in?
Where in your life are you not staying true to you and your values, to please those around you?
Are you wearing clothes or acting in a certain way to make others like you? Or, are you not wearing/doing/being a certain way because you fear others will judge you?
Where are you helping other people or saying yes out of guilt?
Where are you trying to imagine what/how other people would like you to be like?
Where are you trying to be like others to be liked?
Where are you holding parts of yourself back in fear that other people won’t approve?
Where are you giving and giving and running yourself into the ground?
Write them down and for the next week, become more aware of when your people pleasing tendencies are popping up. What people are you around, what situations are you in and how is it making you feel?
2. When you please others at your own expense, you are taking away your power and disowning your authentic magic.
It’s totally okay to genuinely want to help others. But this should never come at your own expense. We should be giving from the overflow and not giving because you feel obliged or guilty. And it should never be at your own expense. You should never disown or lose yourself in the process.
3. Other people’s happiness is not your responsibility.
You are your responsibility and they are their responsibility. It’s a beautiful thing to want to make those around you happy, but again, this should never come at your own expense.
4. Not everyone will like you, and that OKAY.
The people that are your people will always be there for you. They will embrace and accept all of you, just the way you are. They will want to be with you because of who you are. They will want to be around you in the good times and the bad times. Allow the people that are not for you to walk away and this will allow space for your soul sisters and brothers to come closer.
5. IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO.
Seriously. You can say no. I like to ask myself: “Is this a hell yes!?” If not, then it’s a “no”.
If something doesn’t sit right with you, if your intuition is saying no, if your body is saying no, then it’s a no. Even when your inner critic is telling you, “oh but so and so will be disappointed, they might not like you anymore… but this person really wants me to go… But they planned this whole thing, they would have put lots of time and effort into it… I don’t want them to be disappointed… I don’t want this to portray me in a negative light… What if they don’t invite me again… blah blah blah. These are just thoughts, they are not your reality.
6. Trust in your intuition.
Your intuition will never lead you astray, it is your guiding light. It knows. Strengthen it. Trust it.
7. Grow and cultivate your self-worth and inner confidence.
I left the juiciest til last… because I think that at the heart of a lot of people pleasing is your self-worth and inner confidence. If you truly know who you are at your core, if you value and know your innate self-worth, then you’ll put yourself first. You’ll stand up for you, your needs, desires and wellbeing. You’ll listen to your body and your intuition. You’ll say no when you really mean no. You’ll embrace your authenticity and share all parts of you as there is no fear of judgement or fitting in. You’ll trust your intuition to guide you to your people – the people that were meant for you – and lovingly and gently let go of those who aren’t. You’ll give and help others from the overflow. You know that your self-worth is never related to how much you give, please or make other people happy; because you know that you are innately worthy regardless.
As always, please feel free to leave a comment below, or reach out of social media and let me know where people pleasing is showing up in your life and how you are strengthening your intuition and cultivating your worthiness and inner confidence.
Much Love,
Evie x